The most moralistic tabloids
are the most likely to sell
because they provide us with satisfaction
as we frown at ‘moral hell.’
“Observe, the House of Jolie falls!
It really is too bad.
Angie wouldn’t have these problems
if she hadn’t stolen Brad!
The drama’s too much for the children,
and it’s really rather sad.”
“The most terrible thing that one can do
in this day and age
is take a naked selfie
and post it on one’s page.
Kim K should really cover up,
She’s starting to show her age,
and her new picture (found herein)
does fill one one with rage.”
“Because we know that celebrity news
can be such a frightful bore,
we have included a touching tale
about The Girl Next Door.
Once, she was a failure:
overweight, drab and quiet,
but her life has been turned around
thanks to the Paleo diet!”
The tabloids tell us how to think
and twist the way we feel.
Their headlines explain what is good and right,
and their pictures define what’s real.